Book Force Five
I recently learned that librarians are often specialized in certain subjects of expertise, in addition to library and information science.
This could lead to only one thing: an action-packed television show where a group of five librarians, each a specialist in a different area, join forces to fight crime and stop evil! Tune in each week, where there’s a new case that nobody can solve—nobody, that is, except for Book Force Five! Let’s meet the members:
The first librarian knows everything there is to know about weapons, poisons, and the art of assassination. The only female on the team, she has a shadowy and mysterious past, but true to the shadowy-and-mysterious archetype, never talks about it, except in black-and-white dream sequences. She is also in charge of the team’s secret weapons cache, which is located in the library bookstore (because seriously, who goes there?).
The second librarian, who is also the leader of the team, is a master of foreign language and diplomacy. He displays suave charm, cool wit, and an uncanny ability to conjugate any verb that his enemies throw at him. Has somehow internalized the entire Gilbert and Sullivan canon. Is most probably British.
The third librarian is the healer of the group. He is a level 14 Cleric and knows all divine spells up to the 7th level.
The fourth librarian’s specialty is an encyclopedic knowledge of being badass. He sports a foul mouth, unnecessary bling, and a soft spot for kittens.
Each episode begins with a personal visit from the President, who gives them the mission of the week (“It’s the damned commies again!” / “There’s hostages in the Statue of Liberty!” / “Dr. McEvil has broken into the Supreme Court, and he’s threatening to overturn Roe v. Wade!”). The team then rides off in their bookmobile-turned-armored-personnel-carrier, ready to dispense the overdue fees on evil.
…
What’s that, you say? What about the fifth librarian? Obviously, the fifth librarian’s specialty is love.