IM Cipher

Dear diary,

I fear I have been drawn into a conspiracy. Every day, I am increasingly surrounded by nonsensical words and ill-conceived abbreviations. Today, my coworkers could only speak gibberish to me, a strange language of wtf’s and lol’s. When I ask them to clarify, all they would say is: “STFU N00B!”

I am NOT a n00b… am I? (Note to self: look up what “n00b” means.)

I did my research. The madness is spreading, escaped from the bowels of Internet chatrooms and now infecting the very fabric of reality. My spell checker finds corectly-spelled words and then misspells tehm. Random l3tters on my keybo@rd stop w0rking, forcing me to use numbers in pl4ce of the a1phabet. A black lolcat crosses my path. What does it all mean?!?

No communication is safe anymore. They are monitoring and filtering everything, converting l’s into 1’s and you’s into u’s with swift, deadly precision. This computer program is my last hope. With it, I can turn their newspeak against them. I can disappear into the noise. I can take a stand.

P.S. If any of you dirty agents find my diary, IT WAS JULIA! Take her away instead!